As I aged | Sapna Adhikari

As I aged

As I aged, I saw the time grow younger

The aroma of the fresh pages of a book replaced by the screen,

The long walks with cheerful talks,

Lost in the mist of vehicles evergreen.

As I aged, I saw my parents grow older

Their love remained the same

But the time we used to spend together reduced,

The games, the laughter and the eating dinner together

Nothing compares to the food my mother used to prepare

Oh, how I refused to eat, how she used to run behind me

Even the thought of losing them is excruciating,

Like needles being hammered to my heart.

As I aged, I saw my siblings

Become my best friends from my best enemies

Why don't they understand me I used to think then,

Now they are my comfort in tumult, in storm they are the ease.

As I aged, I saw my friend decrease

They used to be plenty once and now they are just three.

I trust less than I used to, even if I want to.

As I aged, I felt loneliness,

As a disease conquering my soul

And the harsh lie comes out of my mouth,

I say just leave me alone.

As I aged, I saw the colours fade

And the world turned darker,

No more fairytales, ice creams or chocolates.

As I aged, my stark belief

That everyone is good at heart and everyone just wants to be happy

Shattered when I saw people celebrating other's grief.

As I aged, I saw myself tearing me apart for the so called victory,

Alas it was always for others to clap at, not a muse to my heart,

Not a journey to my destiny.

As I aged, my thoughts became adulterated,

By the dilemma of right or wrong

Maybe I became less pious or I totally failed to protect my morals,

The pain erupted like fire and diffused along the flames.

As I aged, I lost a lot

My jubilant childhood, my exhilarating teenage,

And one day I will lose my youth and my life too,

But what I gained in the way is precious,

The wisdom unparalleled and the courage undefeated,

The trust of loved ones and so many dreams,

Few but true friends who would never leave me,

I learnt the art of ignoring idiocy

And taking responsibilities.

Calming my agony, soothing my rage,

By leaving a lot I became whole again.

To try and not stop trying and go all the way.

It was the invigorating happiness I felt as I aged.