I have heard 100 different stories about you,

of how creative, sharp and fearless you were.

I think I inherited all of it from you.

But I might not be doing justice to what you could have taught me.

That fearless part of me,

has started to dwindle over the years.

I look at your photographs

creating my own stories

of what might have happened

To a woman who could light up the room full of people.

In my head, I am always starstruck!

But the answers I get from people,

are just not enough to mend the knots in my stomach.

I was taught how to spell 'schizophrenia' when I was 10 years old,

not knowing the what's and how's and why's of the this world.

I could not wrap my head around it then,

I can not fathom how it can make you so distant from me, ever.

Everything is temporary,

but this is my hardest forever.

I wish I could complain about the world, have you as a shield

and sleep right beside you knowing it can not get any better.

Instead I see you sitting in front of me

talking to imaginary beings,

like they have been your best daughters.

and today, I miss you mother.