Of living and dying and hoping to be saved-

I don't wanna die

I actually don't.

On the contrary, I want to live

And I will live.

I'll live for the things I want to do and haven't done yet

I'll live to feel the sand under my feet and the sea crashing against me

I'll live to feel the snow between my fingers

I'll live to see the cherry blossoms blooming and the autumn leaves falling.

And I'll live for the books sitting atop my shelves and the stories I've not heard yet.

I'll live.....

I-I..want to live.

But sometimes, sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Sometimes, I just wanna throw everything away

And at 3 in the morning, my thoughts don't exactly stay at bay.

They come and they come and threaten to never leave

Till it all starts to blend together, the good and the bad, my success and my failures

Till the house that I live in doesn't feel like my home.

And I try to cry out for help but it feels like I'm at the bottom of the sea

Where the pressure is more than 1000 times the normal

And I can't speak because it's crushing me but I hold on,

I hold on to the last threads of sanity and wait

Till either the sea inside me crushes me whole or the sun outside rises and gives me hope.