PAIN
It's there in me.
It's there within me.
It's there in my reflection.
It's there in the way I reflect.
It's there in the way I bite my teeth.
It's there in my clenched fist.
It's there in my ignorance and my wisdom.
It's there in my aggression and my compassion.
It's there in my arrogance and my humility.
It's there in my scars that crawl all over my skin.
It's there in my lungs, flooded with smoke.
It's there in my paper-like flesh that covers my weak bones.
It's there in my heart, craving to carve out my art.
It's there somewhere,
Where I can only feel.
And not touch nor taste.
And not see nor hear.
And not smell nor breathe.
It's there in me, within me.
A constant companion.
He wakes up with me,
Or is he the one that wakes me up?
He wakes up with me,
Or was he awake all night?
At night when I go to sleep,
I wish he sleeps as well.
I know what it's like to be awake,
I hope he gets some sleep.
Somedays, I wake up to realise that he's not there.
So I carry on without him, knowing he'll catch up along the way.
His absence is freedom at first,
Like feeling free from the weight that burdens your shoulders.
But how long can I live without him?
Sometimes,
He hides somewhere near me or in me throughout the day.
And only shows up at night,
Like a surprise call on the Eve of remembrance.
And sometimes,
He waits till I am asleep.
Only to show up in my dreams that I could never decipher.
Sometimes,
He wouldn't show up for a long time.
And that's when I get worried.
What happened to him?
Is he dead?
Did I kill him?
What happened to me?
Am I dead?
Did he kill me?
And then I wait.
Patiently.
I hope that he'll come back and say hello.
The more he is away, the more I am lonely.
It's strange to realise he's all I've got.
I seek him in the lines in my palm.
I seek him through the lines in my poem.
I seek him in the eyes that I meet.
I seek him through the lies that I write.
I AM HERE BECAUSE I WANTED TO.