"If I looked perfect, they'd never leave me,"
Was all I ever understood .
I didn't know if I was right,
But no one ever told me I was wrong,
Because they always said I was pretty,
Just not pretty enough.
I starved and cried,
Compared and cared,
Weighed and waited,
Suffered and continued,
Until the voices said I looked fine.
I got the attention,
I got the chase,
I got the validation,
I got the pity love,
And when I finally thought I was perfect,
I was even got left on.
Then I saw how
The one that loved my body perfect,
Would never love my heart right,
So I ate till I choked,
Binged till I puked,
Until the voices mirrored "show skin get love."
shopped and thrown,
Uncomfortable but worn,
Hidden until seen,
Craved until sought,
And again the voices bargained "to get love is to give body."
Stuck between
Pleasure and pain,
Moans and screams,
Hunger and pills,
She was
Choked but never killed,
Satisfied but never enough,
Dead and alive,
Until finally
The voices called her pretty,
And left.
The voices left,
But every mirror reminded her she was pretty,
But only pretty enough to get attention.
Every bed reminded her she was pretty,
But only pretty enough to get laid.
Every door reminded her she was pretty,
But not pretty enough to stay with,
And every scar reminded her that she was pretty,
But just not pretty enough.