THE FOLLOWING POEM WAS SELECTED IN WINGWORD POETRY PRIZE 2023 LONGLIST.

“I'll wait for you”

Baba cried while adjusting my badges

on the uniform.

I wiped his tears and dubiously asked him

“Am I your son now?”

“No, you're my daughter

and even thousand sons

cannot equal your glory” he said.

He kissed me on my forehead

and I left.

Baba always wanted a son.

A son to fulfil his dream.

A son for the country

A son who could join army.

Younger me could still feel the

‘baba named' emptiness in my heart.

He never lifted me in his arms.

He never kissed me goodbyes.

He never picked me from school.

Until one day, amma died.

And baba promised to be my amma.

And from that day

I and baba would spend all the summers together

licking mangoes

under the banyan tress

in the community park.

All the winters eating ice creams

out of our guilty pleasure.

Hoping that the ice cream would reduce his guilt.

His guilt of not loving me.

His guilt of not hugging me.

His guilt of not treating me like his son.

He called me and with teary voice said

“You were great in the parade today

Sharma ji too shared your photos

on the WhatsApp group.”

“And you baba, how are you feeling?”

“ I'm feeling as if I always wanted a daughter” he cried and hanged the call.

A message popped on my phone.

‘I'm still waiting for you’.