The weather turns colder, and the days grow shorter, but the questions inside my head, and the list of things I wish I had said grows longer!
I have something to say to this world, that I couldn't since these many years, now it is itching to get out of me, and I can hold no longer.
I think this is the hardest part of all, that we have an undeniable will to love people whom we grow around, and in the return, they have an unrealized behavior of wrecking and pulling us down.
And there comes the pain, that like no-one else feels like a very close part of me.
I've been betrayed as a child. The images blur, but I still feel that clear.
I never had been the one to rage against them.
"What if they're just about to understand!"
All the times I've been screaming in silence, whenever you're in my head, questioning my existence.
How abruptly, we've grown into people we thought we'd never be.
It's no wonder how life sets a contrast to us, how in these moments, I've made myself look like a stranger.
Tired of apologizing for things that break me.
And to all the horrors of this life, the only thing haunted here;; is my heart.
My hands tremble when I hold love.
A part of me dies each time I see myself with people for whom I'll never be enough.
I've been searching for something I can't reach.
For the longest time, you felt like hope and scarlet skies.
I thought you were the sunlight slicing my dark, when all you did was sketching everything dark.
I'm still tracing the scars and secrets I've buried five fires ago.
I do not know if it matters to you as much as it does to me.
If my head could be a little less noisy, if I knew how to scream, And I wasn't all alone, when it's too crowded and stuffed in there.
I tried to fix this, but maybe in a parallel universe I don't have to!
In another life, I will change the course of fate.
If, what I'm living meant anything more than being locked inside a place forever, maybe not forever, but for as long as I breathe. Do you not think, that we're pieces or boxes,
trapped and closed moving inside our spaces, losing sense, Is that what life had planned?
I tried to think, but I couldn't!
If I were drunk right now, I'd say I'm too low to be high anymore.
It's filled, but it's vacant.
What is grief on a shot of truth, my heart on ice!
Swallow the emptiness you feel and bleed, what else would you do with it.
I'm glad, that I could keep up, bruised, broken, and yet smiling.
But now, whenever I look at the mirror, we don't ask each other how we've been, I would lie to the mirror and the mirror would lie to me.
This heart of mine, no longer wrenches in misery.
There's a different tune now, that I'm lately learning.
If I feel something, it is that none of us can escape being a human anymore. I don't have anything to grab or withhold back.
It's just me, and my space, that fills with stillness, and all that I can really hold on to, is myself.
You know what's the good part about people, they say they don't want to see you hurt, and apparently: apparently they do everything // everything to keep you from believing that they're good, They treasure you in the deepest and purest form //
You trust them even when you can't trust the mirror,
Even if you have to choose between them and yourself, it would never be you.
They teach you to not be locked inside your own head, like old locked drawers //
In no sense of time, they feel like hope; for that very moment, you exit your wounds,
You go million moons apart doing things for them, they teach you poems about self-love // so that when they leave, and act selfish, you owe them a promise you couldn't keep.
That's the beautiful part about humans // There's no way out to shutting people.
For the rest of our lives, we just think,
"What if we've not been there, so where would we be"?
But my friend, you deserve to let go of the heaviness in your chest, knowing your heart defines bravery.