THE FOLLOWING POEM WAS SELECTED IN WINGWORD POETRY PRIZE 2023 LONGLIST.

In this dark room trapped,

I just yearn for freedom and solace.

My eyes, they are never dry,

my pillow is habitual of rain

as I cry.

but I must say,

what a good actor I am,

I don't let any known to know,

as I won't have a reason to throw.

fear and frustration,

Travels like blood sucking worms through me,

and all it reminds.

No matter how I try,

those feelings,

they never say goodbye.

I never desired to be this version of me,

but what can I do now,

when this is how it all turned to be.

confusion greets me everyday,

Doubts decked up as hay,

in the middle of it I lay.

I am sure the scars are healing,

with the fading marks,

then why does the pain still retreats whenever the flashback starts?

I weave a web around my brain,

don't know,

why still I can't stop the train,

of emotions as it sprain,

My happiness and life is what it drains.

The pain,I now consider it as an old friend of mine,

It hurts yet I say, yeah! I'm fine. darkness has started engulfing me,

Oh now,even my shadow is scaring me

My thoughts are such,

that I can't read.

I take permission,

Even to breathe.

I am part of a competition ,

I didn't wanna be.

I feel like a puppet, and it won't stop,

doesn't matter if I scream.

Tired of it,I just wanted to be free.

and the darkness engulfing me,

heard the plea.

breaking the fake bonds,

And forgetting the threats,

Like my beloved, I hugged my death.

But, it was of no use ,

And left me just more confused.

That day I learned something,

about death,

and it changed everything,

People say it helps you to be free,

While,for me ,

it just indulged sorrow into a never ending cycle,

Without a way to flee.