THE FOLLOWING POEM WAS SELECTED IN WINGWORD POETRY PRIZE 2023 LONGLIST.

these days i’ve been dwindling like the pendulum of a clock,

left - right,

can’t seem to get hold of my centre

the clock strikes 9

9:05,

9:10,

i need to wake up now.

the obtuse angle those tiny hands make

is much less than the anxiety packed in my heart.

i somehow make it past them while pushing the weird noises inside my head to the underside of the bed.

I can’t wrap my head around how i have somehow suddenly become the incharge of the vinyl record that plays in my head,

the one which earlier housed sounds of unrhythmic laughter, of innocence and ignorance

and now I’m left with the task of choosing between jarring voices of confusion and chaos,

of questions hunting for answers whilst haunting my being.

I glance across my room and discover a small cabinet that screams EMERGENCY KIT

which essentially is an escape hatch for days when everything around me is covered with a blanket of bleakness.

I quickly crawl and hide inside it.

after hours of moping around the corridors, i gather what’s left of me to retreat to the familiar battleground like a soldier who has faught many wars but won none.

i sense something different as i enter a home instead of my old, dreary house.

i try seeing through my blurred vision and trembling hands,

the sky is no longer an over-arching void

but a hanging ceiling made of tissues,

i pluck some of them to wipe away the blues from under my eyes.

I walk up once again to my bulletin

and find it filtered through colors of kindness that have slid in the shape of

smiles, silences and soft embraces

I unpack my heart of the cruel anxiety and fill it with these.

It feels lighter than ever!

“how did it know i needed this?” I wonder

“don’t we all” the air whispered back

I turn halfway around and my face beams with a crescent moon.

the to-do list still hangs,

but i see a tattoo etched on my wrist which spells

“It’s hard but not scary anymore”

and i march this time,

UNAFRAID

carrying a beaming warmth within.