Living in fear | Ayesha Jamal

Rain is the ‘Qasid’ of lord

That falls on the ‘chhat’ of every house

To tell them that ‘Nemat’ has been distributed equally

Amongst everyone

But the landlord of my city fears

That sun may rise from our jawline

And rainbow might be casted on the green walls of our house

They say like charges repel each other

So vibGyor can’t be synonymous to our smiles

But what if mirage appears wearing a ‘Burqa’ today

And tells people that

Unlike charges attract each other?

I am not the lover of mirage

I am a poet

And my crown doesn’t shine with diamonds and platinum

But with the pool of tears in my heart

That has been stranded there for so long

That it has become an ocean of ink

With which I paint eyelids over eyelids everyday

But is removed and washed like makeup every night

Maybe the nib of my pen is delicate

Like the blink of an eye

And the road to reality is too meshy

like the threads in my father’s skull cap

But don’t call me the enemy of rain

I am just an imprisoned poem

With a soul of peacock

Eager to stretch my wings and dance in the rain

Without thinking of the aftermath

Can wound ever refuse the caress of an ointment?

My poetry was born in July

But since future of mud puddles

In the streets of the ‘mohalla’ In which we live

Looked brighter than our dreams

And power cut lasts longer

Than the word ‘rights’ in our mind

Winter became its favorite season

My poetry doesn’t pluck flowers from the garden

Rather collect them from the cemetery of people

Whose only fault was ‘being a Muslim’

And now she doesn’t know what to do with all these bouquets

So I gift them to you

To each one of you

In hope that one day

When my child goes to school

He won’t come back like a withered ‘kali’

Wrapped in a shroud of fear

That one day when I wear black

And my brother wears white

We wouldn’t be declared

Murderers of colours

That one day when our dreams see a full moon

And our hearts fly higher Than ‘Oqaab’

Then it wouldn’t be bulldozed to ‘Eid ka chand’

My poetry grows from the seed of fear

That resides closer to us

Than the 'shahrag' of our body

It has changed the composition of our blood

Our body now contains 80% of water

The same water that sky reflects

And you say 'darr ka koi rang nahi hota'

(Fear doesn't have any colour)

So tell me then

What colour do you see When you look up to the sky?